He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
