i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
