I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
