It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
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