hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
