I want to have your abortion
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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