I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Randomize
