Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I just cut my nipple shaving
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
