thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
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