I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Randomize
