I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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