I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
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