I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
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