I need help removing her.
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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