You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I AM VODKA MAN
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
