we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
