In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Randomize
