please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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