I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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