Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
