I got chris browned last night
I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
