I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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