you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
