If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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