they need to just BURY HIM!
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
