He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
I see more hoeing in ur future
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