I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
