Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
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