Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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