I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Randomize
