Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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