How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
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