Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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