when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Randomize
