He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
