Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
