And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
