how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
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