yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
