woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
