my mouth tastes like poor choices
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
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