Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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