There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
