Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
