There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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