Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
