i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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