I looked at my own cervix.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
He felt like a one man threesome
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
