Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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