Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
