He told me they were just razor bumps!
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
