Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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