did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
