I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
