Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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